What's new...

Goodness gracious, it's been a really long time since I've blogged.  I seriously had really good intentions of keeping up with this, but so much has happened.  I haven't exactly done all the things I intended to do in my last blog, but I haven't totally abandoned the idea of confronting those that need to be confronted.  Instead, I've just put it off until the time is right.  I feel much better about where I am, who I am, and who I am becoming.  I haven't really done much to change the way I feel about myself (at least I don't think I've done anything), but my situation has changed.  

Having a new baby, and the journey to get to that point, have made a huge impact on me.  Now I have three children at home all day, every day.  My 5 year old will be starting school in the fall.  I'm sad and excited.  My 2 year old acts like she's 5...Lord have mercy.  And the newborn is...well, new.  She's already been through a lot in her short time here in this big world.  She had surgery at 3 weeks old, poor thing (I'll write more about that later).

I guess the biggest change is in the midst of happening as I type this.  My husband has accepted a new job about 9 hours away.  For the past month, he's lived in our new town, and the kids and I have lived here at home.  It was really hard finding a place to live that was big enough for our new family of 5.  There were waiting lists everywhere we went.  We finally lucked out, and we were able to get into a place relatively quickly.  However, since we are keeping our current home, we had to buy furniture to fill our new place before we could move in.  That took time and money.  Over a month later, and we are still waiting for all our furniture to be delivered.  This weekend, the kids and I will join my husband at our new place.  We are all so excited!  

 

It's a start, right?

I've been thinking, lately, about all the events and experiences in my life that made me who I am today.  I think many people would look at this as something positive.  Something to be proud of.  I don't.  I think all the negativity in my life has molded me into a fearful, anxious, person, severely lacking in self-confidence in many areas of my life.  I refuse to accept the way I am.  I am motivated to change it.  I don't want to be "me" anymore.  I have begun my search for a new, brave, confident version of myself.  Now, don't get me wrong, a lot of my life experiences have had a very positive affect on me.  The majority of these experiences occurred when I was already an adult, though.  A lot of the damage had already been done at that point.  

My goals in this journey are to confront the people that need to be confronted, and write my way through anything else that may stand in my way.  I'd love to have a therapist or counselor along for the journey, but I'm still undecided on that part.  It would be much easier if I had someone to physically talk to about these things...you know, to get an outsider's perspective.

Through this blog, I hope to discover a lot about myself.  I plan to post projects I have been working on and anything else that sounds interesting.  Who knows where it will take me??